The notion of ‘Happily Ever After’ is taught to us through fairytales at a very young age. It teaches us to believe in a light at the end of the tunnel, and that everything will work out in our favour at the end.
For the better part of my life, whenever adversity hit, I would dream of riding into the sunset with my Prince Charming who would make all my problems go away. I grew up believing that some knight in shining armour would come rescue me from my problems.
We spend all our lives waiting for someone to come take all our problems away. We start idolising potential partners and put hopes on them that are downright unfair to them. After all, they are humans too with their own issues to deal with.
The idea of romanticism that has been fed to us by the media never shows us what happens the day after ‘Happily Ever After’? What happens when you realise that your partner isn’t perfect and all your notions of the ideal partner fly out the window?
The truth is, the knight in the shining armour that you so long for, can only be you. Nobody can rescue you from yourself.
The person who can truly and wholly understand your thoughts, emotions, wants and needs is you.
Expecting your significant other to magically know what you are experiencing and feeling is not only unfair to them, but also to yourself because you are cheating yourself of the self-love that you owe yourself.
Self-love isn’t just about putting a face mask on and doing your nails, it’s much more than that. It’s about sitting with yourself and addressing your pain. Acknowledging that you are hurt and looking for the source of the pain.
This is a daunting task because it will get uncomfortable. Your inner self will scream and thrash things around like a child. You will have to parent yourself through it.
Because of how unnerving this can be, it is understandable why most people choose not to do it altogether; but it has to be done in order to grow.
We tend to so easily blame our partners for not understanding us or not treating us better but the question we need to ask ourselves is, Why do I allow it?
If you don’t like how someone behaves at your dinner party, don’t invite them. At the end of the day, it is your invitation.
Self-love is about holding yourself accountable. If you are going to wait for a magical moment where your partner suddenly knows how to read your mind, it isn’t going to happen.
So take a moment today to sit, meditate, and reflect on something that is bothering you. Ask yourself kindly, ‘Where is this pain coming from?’.
Don’t be harsh on yourself but talk to that inner child with love. The love that they missed out on. Be the parent to yourself that you wish you had growing up.
This quarantine has gifted us with abundant time so take this time to work on yourself. You might be feeling lonely, but this time makes us more capable of true intimacy.
It heightens the conversation we have with ourselves; gives us a character, and helps us develop a truly unique point of view. Aren’t you tired of going about in the same circles?
Rise above the norm and be better. Not for anyone else, but for yourself.
We might be isolated for now, but we’ll be capable of far closer, more interesting bonds with ourselves and our loved ones if we do this right.
In the end, how can someone know how to love you when you don’t show them how?